


HELP! I think I got married!

by Riley_Silver



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 3AM, Drabble, Fluff, M/M, Marriage, To Be Edited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-14 21:13:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15397572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riley_Silver/pseuds/Riley_Silver
Summary: In which parents Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff have to save delinquent child Tony Stark after he disappeared to Vegas. What they see when they find him with surely change the lives of the Avengers forever.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ya girl is back (finally) with a midnight drabble that I have literally spent almost 6 hours on. No editing whatsoever so 'scuse the mistakes. 
> 
> xx

The lift bell dinged and J.A.R.V.I.S' charming voice announced Pepper's arrival onto the Avenger's main floor. Clint barely looked up from his phone; Peter, Shuri (on a visiting holiday), Ned were teaching Bucky the finer points of Mario Kart; Natasha was in the kitchen with Wanda discussing dinner as they were landed with kitchen duty; and Steve and Sam were down in the gym. 

"Hey" Pepper virtually ran from the elevator, scanning the room quickly as she started to panic. "Have you seen Tony?" 

At the same moment, Thor materialized in his little teleportation room with a crack of lightning, bursting out of the room. "Loki, have you seen him?"  
Clint looked up at his phone to glare at Thor when he mentioned the trickster. "No, I have not seen either for a couple of days." He stood up, "Tash? Come here a sec."  
Peter paused the game and looked up at Pepper with a confused expression. "Last I saw Mr Stark was on Monday when we went to the hardware store and then went out for lunch." Natasha walked into the room with Wanda close behind her, recipe book still in hand. 

"I saw him on Thursday after a meeting he had with Fury. I walked past him at S.H.I.E.L.D at, say, 3 in the afternoon?" Natasha contributed, gauging the mood of the room.  
Pepper sat on the arm of one of the sofas. "He was supposed to meet with me and a few of the board of directors from a company in France. He knew how important this meeting was for Stark Industries and cleared his schedule to make sure he was there."  
Thor grunted. "Loki was on Asgard on the equivalent of your Thursday. He said that he was meeting with Tony in the evening and disappeared." He crossed his arms. "That was the last time I saw him"

"Is it safe then," Bucky stretched out his legs on the floor, dropping the controller in his lap, "to assume that your brother is with Stark?"

 

Everyone was quiet for a moment as they thought over Bucky's query. It was no secret that Tony and the Asgardian trickster had some form of friendship forming, Stark was often commenting on meeting Loki for drinks or for other reasons. When questioned on their relationship, Tony had smiled and shook his head. 'We're working on something' he had replied, 'top secret for now'.

"J.A.R.V.I.S.?"

"Yes Mr Barton?"

"Track Tony Stark's phone"

"Scanning now" J.A.R.V.I.S. confirmed, and the room went silent as they awaited the results. Half a minute passed when J.A.R.V.I.S. announced his results. "Mr Stark's phone has been off since Sunday, but the last known location was in Los Angeles." 

Everyone was stunned. "Are you sure?" Clint spoke up, looking at Natasha and mirroring her confused expression. 

"Certainly Mr Barton. Shall I arrange for transport?" 

Clint looked at Natasha, who shrugged her shoulders in return. 

"Yes. Arrange for a quintet ready for departure in half an hour. I'll fly."

"Yes Mr Barton"

Clint looked over to Pepper. "Don't worry Pep, we'll find him" 

 

"We?" Natasha piped in, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms. 

"Yep!" Clint flashed her a cheeky grin. Natasha gave a long-suffering sigh and rolled her eyes for effect. 

"Fine. But if this turns out like Budapest, you're gonna owe me big time"

Bucky snorted. He was smiling with laughter when he realised that everyone was looking at him with a mixture of horror and wonder. 

"Mr Barnes...?" Peter ventured carefully, looking for any signs of agitation or fear. "Do you know what happened in Budapest?" 

Bucky made eye contact with Clint and smiled. "Of course I do." He was met with looks of wonder and a secretive smile from Natasha. 

"No one knows about that" Peter told Shuri. "It's completely top secret and almost no documentation of it exists. Rumours are that only 3 people really knew what happened on that mission, Mr Barton, Miss Romanoff and Mr Fury" he filled Shuri and Ned in, who exchanged knowing looks. Top secret my ass. Give me 5 minutes. 

"Love the conspiracy theories Parker but I have to go." Clint reassured Pepper one more time that they would find Tony, and there would be a reason for is disappearance. "We'll keep an eye out for Loki too, Thor. Keep looking on Asgard maybe, you know how he is"

"Thank-you bird-man" Thor joked, referring to his old way of calling Clint. "I shall return to Asgard but send a message to Heimdall and he will make sure it gets to me if you find anything." Thor returned to his teleportation pod and left Earth with a crack of lighting and a faint smell of gunpowder. 

Clint turned to smile at everyone in the room. "Cheer up guys. Knowing Tony, he's probably holed up in a lab somewhere and become invisible to the world."

"Again" sighed Peter. 

Natasha pushed herself off the wall and walked towards the elevator, ruffling Peter's hair as she walked by. "Don't worry kid, he'll be fine."

***

Half an hour later they were boarding the Quinjet kitted up and carrying a duffel bag each. They stowed their belongings and made their way to the cockpit, starting final pre-flight checks. 

"Agent Clint Barton signing on as pilot."

"Agent Natasha Romanoff signing on as co-pilot." 

The door was closed, and headsets were put on, tuning the channels so J.A.R.V.I.S. could also communicate with them through the jet. 

"Agent Barton, this is Air Traffic control, you are cleared for takeoff. LAX has been notified of your arrival and has cleared their helicopter pad for your landing."

"Confirmed. Engaging launch sequence"

Natasha and Clint readied the controls and eased the thrusters, hovering to a safe height before punching the joystick forward for their ascent. Once they reached an appropriate height, Natasha readied the supersonic auto-piloting and engaged. 

"What do you really thing happened to Tony?" She asked as the jet stabilised into auto-pilot, checking to make sure the altitude meter was reading correctly. 

"One of two situations." Clint answered, checking estimated travel times and updated LAX accordingly. "One: He has holed himself up in a lab and shut himself off to the world, or  
two: gone on one of his bender weekends" He stood up and walked to his duffel bag, pulling out a grey zip hoodie and sliding it on, followed by an earpiece which he linked to his phone. "I'm not too worried about him really." 

Natasha groaned and stretched out her legs. "I feel like we're on our way to collect our delinquent teenage child from the police station or something" she huffed, watching the view speed by underneath them. "We'll be at LAX in just over an hour." 

***

"That man? Yeah he was here" the motel owner grunted, chewing his toothpick thoroughly. "What, you his keepers?"

"Something of the like" Natasha grumbled while Clint smiled politely. 

"Concerned friends. He's been missing a few days. When did he leave your motel?"

The owner chewed his toothpick some more. "Gawd, musta been two days after? He didn't check out though, his friend did."

"Friend?" Natasha asked, her interest piqued at who could possibly with Tony. 

"Yeah. Tall fella" the owner descried, accompanying the sentence with a lovely little bum scratch. "Fancy coat he had too... black, green an' gold. Designer lookin"

Clint side-eyed Natasha. "Tall, dark hair, looks like this?" Natasha pulled up a photo of Loki on her phone, one taken from S.H.I.E.L.D.'s database. 

"Yeah, him. Nice fella. Apologised when I had to tell them about noise disturbance" the owner mused. "Anyway, they walked out about 3 in the afternoon, still very hungover" he laughed heartily, showing the toothpick that was firmly mashed against his teeth. 

Clint wrinkled his nose at the state of the owner's breath. "Did they mention where they were headed? 

"Naw, they-"

"I did" a girl in her 20s popped her head out of the office behind the check-in counter. "I was walking back from the supply shed when I passed them. One of them, the bearded one, shouted about Las Vegas"

 

Clint could feel Natasha's surprised expression behind him, mirroring his own reactions. "Vegas? Can you remember his exact words?" 

"I think he yelled 'Vegas baby' and then his friend copied him." The owner's daughter smiled. "Sorry, I was in a rush and that was the last time I saw them."

Clint sucked in a long breath and let it out slowly. "Well, thank you for all your help." Natasha nodded her thanks and they left together, jumping into the silver hire BMW. 

"Well" Natasha began after a moment of silence. "At least we know Loki and Tony are together"

Clint grunted. 

"But how would they have gotten to Vegas? No hire company would have loaned a car to them in that state, and the owner confirmed that they didn't arrive in a car, rather that  
they came via taxi."

"Did you see the ground?" Clint pointed to a patch of burnt grass to the side of the entrance. "Out of sight of the entrance and the street. Loki teleported."

Natasha plugged her phone into the dash and turned the engine on. "Road trip" she signed and turned out of the motel, hitting the interstate highway in no time. She rolled down  
the windows and opened the sunroof, sliding her sunglasses on and shuffled a playlist. "I'm going to kill Tony" she chirped happily, which earned a scoff from Clint as he updated the team at home.

"Get in line"

 

They were crossing the state line when they got their first sign of life. "Tony?" Clint answered his phone, hitting speakerphone as Natasha rolled up the windows and paused her music. 

"Clint" the weary voice spoke, sounding gruff and groggy from sleep. 

"Yeah Tony, I'm with Tash. We're on our way to Vegas, what is yo-"

"Clint. Help."

Natasha gave him an alarmed look and sped up slightly, pushing the speed limit by a few miles per hour. 

"What's going on?" Clint asked firmly, mentally running through all the situations he had come up with that Tony could possibly need help in. Tony sighed, groaned, coughed and then spoke. 

 

"I think I've gotten married"


	2. 2

"OK, go from the beginning" Clint sighed, tapping his pen against his notebook as Tony slumped on the other side of the table. They had found the pair in another motel room in various states of consciousness. Tony, the more lucid of the two, had drunk near a litre of water and some aspirin before he was able to talk properly. Loki was still passed out on the bed, snoring away with glitter and flowers in his hair. (Clint had snapped a photo for memories sake). "

I was talking to Loki on evening, and we decided to go to Los Angeles for the fun of it. It got very out of hand as- argh" Tony groaned, and Natasha opened the door, letting bright sunlight into the room.

"Here" she placed a Powerade bottle down on the table. Tony thanked her with grimace and uncapped the sports drink. Natasha set about boiling water for the instant noodle cups she bought while Tony recounted his exploits.

"Like I said, it got out of hand. We drank all evening on Thursday, spent Friday by the sea drinking, stayed in a LA motel, then came here. We went to a bar on Sunday that had a burlesque / cabaret show thingie. Monday we were at a casino and Loki struck big. That evening..." he fell quiet.

"The marriage?" Clint asked softly, looking down at the certificate. Tony sighed and looked at his husband, still out cold on the bed.

"Yup." There was some rustling as Natasha brought over the noodle cups and cutlery or the three of them, plus and iced coffee for Clint and a soda for herself.

"Well Tony, this is a new personal best on how can you change your life dramatically in one night. I thought we topped it when you signed the adoption papers for Peter" Tony groaned at the thought of his son.

"Legally, Loki is also his father too" Natasha snorted.

"See? New personal best." A deep groan came from the bed as Loki struggled to sit up.

"Sleeping Beauty is awake" Clint quipped, earning a kick in the shin.

"And it is lovely to see you again Barton." The Asgardian's voice was so gravelly it made Clint wince a bit.

"I assume you're here to rescue Tony?"

"Not just Tony." Natasha threw a Powerade at him. "You're brother sends his love."

Loki sighed, uncapped the bottle and drank half of it in one go. He got out of bed and stumbled to the table, thumping down in the chair with a shower of glitter. "Don't ask" he grumbled, pulling Tony's noodle cup away from him and started eating it himself. Clint raised an eyebrow at the pair and put his fork down.

"Now, we have the Quinjet back at LAX, so scrub up and pack up. I'm going to head out and get snacks, Natasha" he looked at her with a weary sigh. "Look after the delinquents."

 

On the interstate back towards Los Angeles with Loki and Tony in the back seat, Clint pulled out his phone to call Pepper.

"Hi. Yes, we have them." He eyed Tony through the sun visor's mirror. "Lots of explaining to do I'm sure." Tony adverted his eyes. "Tell J.A.R.V.I.S. to send a message to Heimdall saying that we have Loki with us." He heard Loki's soft groan at the mention of the Asgardian gatekeeper and smirked. We'll be at LAX in about 3 and a half hours, then we'll fly back. See you lat-" he trailed off, frowning as he heard commotion in the background. "Pepper? What's going on?"

Natasha shot him a glance, lips pursed tightly.

" _Agent Clint Barton?_ "

"Yes, speaking. Who are you?" He held up a finger to stop the questions from Tony.

" _I am Agent Batchley with Intergalactic Immigration and Customs Enforcement. We have received intelligence that a civilian has been living temporarily with your team illegally and without proper documentation_."

"Who are you referring to?" Clint knew the answer. He met Loki's eyes in the mirror, staring intensely.

" _Loki Laufeyson_. _We have been told that unless legitimate documents have been provided, we are to detain Mr Laufeyson until a representative from his world arrives to negotiate the terms of his stay_." Clint sighed.

"Damn you Loki" he muttered. "Alright Agent Batchley. We will be returning to New York by 8pm. I'm sure Mr Laufeyson will be able to provide the necessary documentation."

"T _hank you Agent Barton. I shall be waiting in the conference room at the Avenger's tower. Please bring Mr Laufeyson and all documents with you_."

"Certainly." He hung up and sighed. "I just got off the phone with Immigration and Customs Enforcement." Loki closed his eyes and let his head fall back, as Tony started asking questions.

"So? What do they want?"

"Well, the problem is now that Loki might be taken into a room and have his head kicked in for living in the United States illegally." Tony groaned and glared at Loki, who shrugged.

 

"Not all is lost. Isn't that so, Agent Barton?" The gloating voice set Clint's teeth on edge.

"No. It seems that your marriage, Tony, might come of some benefit after all.". Clint pulled out his phone and dialled Rhodes. "Hi, are you at the Tower?"

" _Yes. I heard Tony's involved in this somehow, care to explain?"_

"Explaining will have to wait. Can you do me a favour?"

 _"What do you need?_ "

"Get Thor down to Earth, and when he does, put him on the phone. Then get me a secure line to Fury." Clint rubbed his forehead in frustration. A simple rescue op had turned into something much bigger.

"Worse than Budapest" Natasha voiced his thoughts. "You're gonna owe me big time for dragging me into this you know" she said, not taking her eye off the road. "

Shut up." He mumbled, then he heard Thor answer the call. "

B _ird-man! I take it you have found my brother, and that he is in trouble. Again_ " Thor greeted him cheerfully. "

Yes. Remember after the New York Incident, the US Immigration partnered with Congress to issue a decree about inter-galactic passports. Asgard was one of the first worlds to cooperate with the motion weren't they?"

" _I remember. Every citizen of Asgard has one, whether they are eligible for travel or not. That is what your government and mine agreed on_."

"Great. We need Loki's brought to Earth by 7:30pm today, otherwise getting him out of detainment will be hell of a lot harder."

 _"I will fetch them_." Clint listened as Thor handed the phone back over to Rhodes.

 _"I got you a line with Fury. Hold on while I plug you in_ "

 _"Agent Barton"_ Fury's voice filtered through a few moments later. "

Director, I was hoping to ask a favour regarding Loki's current situation with IICE."

_"Ask Barton. I'm not sure what I might be able to do."_

"I need a naturalisation application for the spouse of a U.S. citizen emailed to me. Once it is filled out I need you to extradite its process."

 _"I'll see what I can do."_ The director ended the call and Clint put his phone down, rolled down the window and closed his eyes. "

You two are going to owe me, big time"

 

***

 

Once aboard the Quinjet, with Natasha piloting, Clint had printed out the naturalisation form for Loki and Tony to work though, and texted Fury with other documents he needed such as Loki's biometrics. He sat back in the co-pilot's chair and closed his eyes, listening to Tony explain to Loki what all the questions on the form were asking exactly.

"Who would have predicted this though" Natasha's quiet voice mused, focusing on her altitude as she opted to fly the jet manually and at just over Mach I instead of Mach II when they flew towards LA. "That Tony would get married in Vegas to an Asgardian."

"It certainly is strange" he replied, not realising that the two of them had slipped into Russian, an old habit from time on missions spent together. It made him rather nostalgic, thinking about the memories he had with the woman sitting across from him. They had played every sort of relationship over their mission history; brother and sister, husband and wife, cousins, pimp and prostitute (although he will never tell anyone who was who).

"What are you thinking about?' Natasha asked, knowing his mind was wandering down memory lane.

"That I looked freaking fantastic in latex." He grinned as Natasha burst out laughing at the memory. "Seriously, that job paid so well. I mean, if the Avengers Initiative doesn't work out, you'll find me throwing my ass in a circle." He sat there chuckling, sharing memories in hushed Russian.

"Hey, we're inbound" Natasha announced in English as she pulled the jet back to standard cruising speed. "Buckle in boys, we're starting the descent." Once they were on the ground at S.H.I.E.L.D., they had a small meeting in a private room with Fury.

"Biometrics, the naturalisation application as processed onto the next stage so its being investigated as we speak" Fury said, handing over a folder stamped CLASSIFIED over to Loki. "I don't need to know details but do all the relevant documents have the right time-frames?" he looked directly at Loki, not daring to say the words he was implying out loud.

"Yes."

"Very good. Best be on your way, Hill has a car ready for you." Fury dismissed them with a small nod and they left the headquarters, heading downtown towards the Avengers Tower. They arrived very quickly, and after a brief conversation with Thor to obtain his IICE passport, Loki and Tony disappeared into the conference room.

Clint and Natasha faced the rest of the Avengers with a weary sigh and sat on the sofa.

"I'll get coffee, hold on" Natasha spoke and ducked into the kitchen. Steve, Sam and Bruce were now present and were filled in on the events of the past two days.

"I'll tell you everything when Tash comes back with coffee" he shushed their questions and closed his eyes for a bit. A few minutes later a warm cup was pressed into his hand with a few gentle words in Russian and he opened his eyes. Taking a sip of the coffee, he nearly choked when he realised that Tash had added some of her Russian liquor that had dubious legal standing in Russia and was definitely against the law to import into the United States. _God I'd marry that girl_ he thought with a smile, sipped again and settled into his tale.

 

 

"So in conclusion, Tony is a Prince of Asgard, Loki is legally Peter's guardian and is also entitles to profits and assets from Stark Industries" Clint finished, coffee long gone and a captive audience still spellbound by the story. Bucky swore in Romanian, Peter looked permanently confused through the entire ordeal, and everyone else was just silent. As Steve opened his mouth to speak, the door to the conference room opened and Loki and Tony walked out, followed by a man who Clint assumed to be Agent Batchely and a few other IICE officers.

"Hello everyone" Loki greeted them all with a shit-eating grin. Clint stood up and shook hands with Agent Batchely.

"What's the verdict?"

"We are satisfied with the documentation that Mr and Mr Stark provided. We shall monitor the naturalisation application and handle the results personally for maximum efficiency" Batchely promised. Clint smiled.

"Good to hear." He showed the agents to the elevator and waved them off, before turning to Tony and Loki. Tony shrugged and smiled at the group.

"Hey guys."

"What the fu-"

"Language Sam" Steve scolded. "Children present." He indicated to Shuri and Peter.

"Oh, speaking of Peter" Tony interrupted. "Loki, you're also a legal guardian of Peter, since he is my adopted son." Loki stared at him, then at the young superhero, and let a genuine smile grace his face.

"Ok."

"So" Wanda started, looking up from her crossed arms to study the supposed couple. "is it serious between you?" Her question was met with varying degrees of snickers and snorts from the other Avengers, to which she rolled her eyes. _Immature, the lot of them_

"I have always admired Tony" Loki started "but this was more out of necessity. I knew the IICE was looking for me, and as much as I hated to admit it, they had me in a corner."

"Brother" Thor came out of his corner with a frown. "I understand that you had no choice but what of Asgardian protocols. There are certain rules that must be followed, and most definitely cannot be ignored by a Prince." Loki clapped his brother on the shoulder.

"Don't worry, brother mine. We will figure it all out. But for now, I cannot travel to Asgard until my naturalisation application comes back." He looked Thor in the eyes and smiled. "Stop worrying over me brother. I can take care of myself"

"Yes, well, last time you said that to me was just before poisoning my and stealing my identity to wreak havoc in the Lower Town" Clint scoffed.

"Brothers. Well," he stood up with a groan. "I can't believe I'm saying these words but Loki, welcome to the family."


End file.
